Seorang suami sedang mencari-cari helah untuk membolehkan dia berkahwin lagi.
Antara alasan yang diberikannya:
Suami : Lelaki kawin 3 baru lah sah
Isteri : Kenapa pula?
Suami : Cuba terjemahkan ke dalam Bahasa Inggeris, "satu" is one, "dua" is two, "tiga"
isteri (is three). Baru betul dan sah!.
Isteri : Tapi abang kena faham Bahasa Inggeris, terutama tentang "singular" dan "plural"
Suami : Berkenaan apa tu?
Isteri : Satu tu "Singular"; dua atau lebih "Plural"
Suami : Contohnya?
Isteri : One car sebagai singular, two cars sebagai plural. Apa bezanya?
Suami : Ohhh... tambah huruf "s" untuk yang plural
Isteri : Betul tu. Sama juga la untuk abang
Suami : Macam mana pula boleh sama?
Isteri : Satu isteri abang MAMPU, jika dua isteri dah jadi plural, maka abang MAMPUS
tambah "s" je, kan?
Lepas daripada tu, si-suami tidak pernah lagi berceritakan hasratnya untuk berkahwin lagi...
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Truly Interesting
INTERESTING CONVERSATION
An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new Muslim students to stand and.....
Professor : You are a Muslim, aren't you?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So you believe in God?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is God good?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is God all-powerful?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)
Professor : You can't answer, can you? Let's start a gain, young fella. Is God good?
Student :Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from?
Student : From...God.. .
Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)
Professor : Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student :Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)
Professor : Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the
world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student : No , sir.
Professor : Have you ever felt y our God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Professor : Yes. Fait h. And that is the problem science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite,
something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and
magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?.....No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, st able, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )
Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir.. The link between man & God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.
An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new Muslim students to stand and.....
Professor : You are a Muslim, aren't you?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So you believe in God?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is God good?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is God all-powerful?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)
Professor : You can't answer, can you? Let's start a gain, young fella. Is God good?
Student :Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from?
Student : From...God.. .
Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)
Professor : Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student :Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)
Professor : Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the
world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student : No , sir.
Professor : Have you ever felt y our God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Professor : Yes. Fait h. And that is the problem science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite,
something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and
magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?.....No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, st able, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )
Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir.. The link between man & God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Pak Lah Oh! Pak Lah
Pak Lah pelopor Islam Hadhari
Tak lama lagi dapat seorang isteri
Tukang penyedap tiang seri
Combi-combi frust gigit jari
Terlepas jadi isteri Perdana Menteri
Pak Lah pilih adik-ipar bekas isteri
Semua dah berkenan kata Khairi
Spokesperson untuk Kamal dan Nori
Auntie Jeanne tidak asing bagi kami
Majlis akad nikah is for family only
If you are not invited very sorry
Just a simple akadnikah ceremony
Pak Lah don wan any dowry
If you are sending gift send them to me
I will donate to all charity body
But expensive gift can close one eye only Expensive gift is like Porsche
or Ferrari Rolex, Patek Phillipe, Omega or Bvlgari Small gift like
Selangor Pewter or Crabtree Ucapan tahniah boleh taruh Utusan and NST
Since UMNO owned both company
Kenapa I pilih nak kahwin lagi
Itu satu soalan peribadi
Anyway masih banyak ruang di hati
Tapi I tak kahwin lebih dua isteri
Itu you all dont worry
I bukan miang keladi
I just need a company
Since I am very lonely
And you know I am old already
Who want to take care of me
Anyway lama dah ni
You know lah mana tahan lagi
Don't offer me any Tongkat Ali
I will go slow and steady
Honeymoon of course luar negeri
Tak main lah Pangkor or Langkawi
Naik I punya jet peribadi
Nak main aci lot with my new isteri
Itu Menteri Budaya dia sudah perli
Dia kata I akan lebih bertenaga lagi
Nanti I pecat dia jadi Hantu punya menteri Okay lah joke only Nothing to
do yang hidup atau yang mati.
Tak lama lagi dapat seorang isteri
Tukang penyedap tiang seri
Combi-combi frust gigit jari
Terlepas jadi isteri Perdana Menteri
Pak Lah pilih adik-ipar bekas isteri
Semua dah berkenan kata Khairi
Spokesperson untuk Kamal dan Nori
Auntie Jeanne tidak asing bagi kami
Majlis akad nikah is for family only
If you are not invited very sorry
Just a simple akadnikah ceremony
Pak Lah don wan any dowry
If you are sending gift send them to me
I will donate to all charity body
But expensive gift can close one eye only Expensive gift is like Porsche
or Ferrari Rolex, Patek Phillipe, Omega or Bvlgari Small gift like
Selangor Pewter or Crabtree Ucapan tahniah boleh taruh Utusan and NST
Since UMNO owned both company
Kenapa I pilih nak kahwin lagi
Itu satu soalan peribadi
Anyway masih banyak ruang di hati
Tapi I tak kahwin lebih dua isteri
Itu you all dont worry
I bukan miang keladi
I just need a company
Since I am very lonely
And you know I am old already
Who want to take care of me
Anyway lama dah ni
You know lah mana tahan lagi
Don't offer me any Tongkat Ali
I will go slow and steady
Honeymoon of course luar negeri
Tak main lah Pangkor or Langkawi
Naik I punya jet peribadi
Nak main aci lot with my new isteri
Itu Menteri Budaya dia sudah perli
Dia kata I akan lebih bertenaga lagi
Nanti I pecat dia jadi Hantu punya menteri Okay lah joke only Nothing to
do yang hidup atau yang mati.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
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